If you're familiar with the Dungeons & Dragons alignment system, you've probably heard of "Lawful Neutral." It's not about being good or evil, not about chaos or rebellion. It's about structure. Consistency. Living by a code. And in my case, that code isn't handed down by society, or culture, or even legality. It's mine.

I don't break my own rules. I follow them religiously; sometimes to a fault. They're how I make sense of the world. They're how I survive it.

To the outside world, this can be... confusing. Because I might ignore a widely accepted norm, but lose sleep over stepping outside my own boundaries. I might calmly walk away from what others see as an urgent obligation, and yet stress intensely over something that seems invisible to everyone else. People might think I'm being cold, rigid, or unreasonable, but from my perspective, I'm being consistent. I'm doing what I believe is right, even if it doesn't match what you think is right.

Being Lawful Neutral doesn't mean I don't care. It means I care deeply, but only within a structure I trust. I'll go to great lengths to honor a promise I made, even if it no longer benefits me. I'll hold myself accountable for actions no one else saw. I'll walk away from something popular if it doesn't align with my principles.

The flip side is that I'm not easily manipulated. Guilt-tripping, peer pressure, "but everyone does it" - none of that works on me. My compass isn't swayed by emotion or social trends. But it also means I can be hard to reach. People sometimes think I'm stubborn or inflexible. And maybe I am. But it's not because I want to be difficult, it's because I need that structure to function. The code is the map, and without it, I'm lost.

I won't always get it right. But I'll always try to be consistent, honest, and principled in a way that reflects who I am not just what society expects.

Sometimes my code makes me a better friend, a more loyal partner, a more principled person. Other times, it isolates me. It puts me at odds with people who live more fluidly. But I don't follow it because it's convenient. I follow it because it's mine, and because it keeps me grounded in a world that often feels chaotic or arbitrary.

But here's what I've come to accept: my lawful neutral nature isn't a flaw. It's a foundation. It's how I find clarity when the world feels overwhelming. It's how I protect my values without needing them to be validated by the crowd. And it's how I stay grounded when I feel pulled in a thousand directions at once.

So if you see me doing something that doesn't make sense from the outside, understand this: I'm probably not trying to be defiant. I'm not rebelling against society. I'm not trying to stand out. I'm just following the law I've written for myself; the one that lets me live with integrity, even when it doesn't match what the world expects.

And that, to me, is enough.